Here is how I talk to my snake:

“Hi good morning good morning hi! Look at you mister long-as-the-tank! I see you! Peeker is peekin! Did you have such a good mouse burrito yesterday? Was it so tasty? You sirsty? You sipping water? Sippy sippy drinky drink? How are you so cute? How did this happen? Snaaaaake!”

I never ever call him ‘noodle’ though, he has more dignity than that.

He was in the middle of a broiling hot path with a lot of with bicycle traffic so i put him on a tree branch. Thought I might get a wish or something but I guess he’s just a regular bug

wait! hang on! I need to TF right now